Melissa Runs

Sometimes, Melissa runs her legs. Sometimes, she runs her mouth.

Tag: ha ha ha

*cough* *cough*

Spring is upon us! Do you know what this means? Warm temperatures! Sun! Green leaves! Flowers!

And Pollen.

Lots.

and lots

of pollen.

The thin yellow powder looks has formed a light film over the entire town. Gussying up cars, the sidewalks, and the sinuses of every being that has a sinus or two.

So there is coughing and sneezing.

And ACHING…

and spitting up tapioca pudding style phlegm.

Wait? There’s no aching in allergies!.

And that pudding style stuff..

DAMN I got a COLD during Allergy season.

yes folks. I am sick. Been laying in the bed and sleeping a lot. Coughing so hard that I pee in my pants. Getting old isn’t pretty people. It’s not pretty at all.

I haven’t been to work in the past two days. I did go manage to have a great Easter with my extended family. I took lots of pictures. I will have to download them later.

Another episode of TOTALLY AWESOME VIDEOS

From the kids who bought you Dick in a Box, it’s “MOTHERLOVER” If you missed this weekend’s Saturday Night Live, well you missed out. This might be the funniest thing I’ve seen in 2009 so far. …. okay kids, I can’t embed the thing. You’re just going to have to click the link.

“MOTHERLOVER”

Wanda Sykes performed at the White House Correspondents Dinner, otherwise known on Twitter as “nerdprom”

Part II

There is quite a lot of controversy about this bit. Part of is due to Wanda saying that she hopes Rush Limbaugh’s Kidneys fail. It was in response to Limbaugh saying that he hoped the Obama administration fails. Her response:

“He just wants the country to fail,” Sykes said of Limbaugh. “To me that’s treason. He’s not saying anything different than what Osama Bin Laden is saying. You might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. … Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails, I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good waterboarding, that’s what he needs.”

Strangely enough, the comparing speech that is harsh and questioning of the Presidency with treason was the mantra of the day every day during the Bush administration: “You’re with us or against us” Oh how times have changed. Some of the more fringe elements of the Right have been insinuating that Obama is Muslim and a terrorist for quite a while but when Wanda Sykes does it to one of their “hometown heroes” OH this is how it works.

As far as Rush Limbaugh personally, he who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He’s said nasty things about a lot of people. He said some HORRIBLE things about Bill Clinton. I’m not sure that he’s really a person who has much leeway to get offended by anything anybody else says about him. Strangely enough, Limbaugh himself hasn’t had any response to the Sykes comments.

“Teardrop” by Massive Attack. It’s the theme song to TV show HOUSE. Okay I just like it.

Interesting times.

I have yet another funeral to attend. It’s a friend of the family. She was one hundred years old. It wasn’t a surprise. She had bleeding on the brain and wasn’t eating but yes. Three funerals in one week. That’s pretty spectacular for someone who isn’t in the medical or funeral home business and didn’t experience some epic tragedy like a school shooting or a bus accident.

As a person who likes to keep up on current affairs, I actually watched the Obama press conference. It, for the most part, was a very serious and somber occasion with questions about serious subjects that could mean the beginning of the apocalypse: economic distress, war in Afghanistan, Iran, health care, etc. There was one little item that turned my frown upside and caused a ferocious spat of giggles that put my pants in peril of being pee’d on. Here it is.

QUESTION: But on AIG, why did you wait — why did you wait days to come out and express that outrage? It seems like the action is coming out of New York and the attorney general’s office. It took you days to come public with Secretary Geithner and say, “Look, we’re outraged.” Why did it take so long?

OBAMA: It took us a couple of days because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak.

I believe that’s called BOOO YAAAAA! I know he didn’t. oooh yes yes he did!

MEOW!

I know he didn't.

Both of my tom cats have absconded and haven’t been seen for two whole days. This is very unusual. Even if they stay outside, they’re usually lazy enough to come in and eat some food for 10 minutes before going back out. SO it’s very weird to not see them. Maybe they found a new family that serves better food. They are food whores.

I miss my babies. I hope they’re okay and haven’t gotten in any bad fights or eaten by big dogs. You laugh by my cat Max was mawled by a Rottweiller that someone let run around at night. (Our tiny town is too cheap to have a dog catcher work any time except 9 to 5. Everybody knows this and lets their dogs out after business hours).

I ran into a high school classmate of mine and we talked about our class. I asked about a classmate and he said that she was a big muckety mucket at a large bank. He also gave me her married surname and said he googled her. Well, I used to be a private investigator so far be it for me not to do my own googling investigation. Why yes she is at a large bank and she is high enough on the ladder to be giving statements to the press. I did see one article that used her name and the letters “CDO” I wrote my MBA friend and sent her the article, she writes back

Collateralized Debt Obligation these are the people that made those banks fail.

So I guess my classmate isn’t going to be showing up to the class reunion.

In other news, my brother changed the cell phone ring tone on my technologically tone deaf mother’s cell phone to crowing roosters. My mother, of course, has no idea how to change it back. Hilarity ensues.

2008 sucked but not completely

Yeah this year was bad. The economy went to the toilet. People are losing their houses and their jobs. It’s chaos. Some fool managed to steal my identity and I am having fun with creditors. Also, I no longer have a job I hated. This is a good and bad thing. The bad thing is that my income went down—way down.

Here are some recaps.

Poop on the sidewalk in front of my office: BAD

A very special Christmas present

George W. Bush getting a shoe thrown at his head: GOOD. REAL GOOD

Sarah Palin’s interview with Katie Couric: BAD BAD BAD

Tina Fey’s mocking of Sarah Palin’s interview with Katie Couric: GREAT!

Team Fabulous racing for the Cure.

Team Fabulous 2008

GOOD

Tripping over Breezy’s Christmas present and breaking it.

uh oh.

BAD!

Michael Phelps winning a gazillion gold medals. GOOD

Chinese gymnast age controversy. BAD

Usain Bolt = Good/bad

Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker in The Dark Knight. GOOD

Heath Ledger dying. BAD. Very very bad.

Going to Erica’s Halloween party. GOOD (even GREAT)
Everyone and their Mama (including my own MAMA) forgetting my birthday. BAD… real bad. (okay I got some props from facebook but seriously no freaking phone calls or acknowledgement in the non-internet realm. That is sucking y’all.

Canvassing for Obama: good

Canvassing map

Poll watching/voter protecting for Obama: even better.

Voting Rights team represent.

Obama winning: fan-freaking awesome.

More hugging for an Obama win.

Racists going crazy after Obama wins. (thanks for putting the ass in assbackwards guys) BAD BAD BAD

Sarah Silverman fucking Matt Damon. Bad for Jimmy Kimmel Great for US!

Jimmy Kimmel’s revenge. EVEN BETTER!

I love me some Tina Fey.

This is almost as funny as the real debate. No really

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