Changes

I am typing this from my phone because my internet is down and yet my brain is buzzing a mile a minute.

My life is in a complete transition. I am making arrangements to move out of the tiny town that I live in. Apparently, my moving away is threatening or alienating. I have talked to others in the same situation and it is not just me.

Also, I don’t have the right last name and the right Daddy. I haven’t seen a woman who is successful here without being married or born into the right family.

Frankly, I am not sure about all of the factors but I am tired of being the one to make the initiative all the damn time. And I am tired of the too cool for school cold should.

It is enough to zap the will to work hard and the will to try. I am sick of it. So I am working to change it.

I restarted Weight watchers. I did it almost 5years ago. I just started so we’ll see. I did a food diary and realized I stress eat a lot of junk. Junk. So I am cleaning up my diet. Oh and I am going to Zumba classes.

I still miss my friend. There is this bitter custody dispute her ex husband and her parents over the kids. I am not the attorney for either side nor should I be but there is this nagging feeling that I.should have done something. There are these lingering questions and I am hoping just hoping that nothing happens to those kids. Realistically there is nothing I can do. I need serenity or grace or something.

I need to let it go.

All of this change is intimidating and a little scary but I choose to be happy. All of this trying to fit in and get along with people who have no interest in having anything to do with me is not healthy. The ways I have been coping aren’t healthy either.

STRESS KILLS…. or makes you vomit.

Sometimes in life, you want to slap the living shit out of a person. Sometimes in life, you want to slap the living shit out of more than one person. Of course, these people aren’t worth getting assault charges and possibly losing your law license. So you hold it in.

And that makes for a killer headache. That mean nasty bitch slapping rage monster will eat through your brain and try to drill it’s way out of your head through your skull. And oh the head is HURTING. OWEWW. FUCK. KILL ME NOW… No wait.. make it stop

And then you vomit. A lot. You scare the cat. Then the cat feels all sorry for you and lays beside you by the toilet and seems to say in his little meows, “It’s okay honey, I get hair balls too.” and its’ the sweetest thing you’ll ever experience in your life.

awwwww

Then you’ll go back to sleep and sleep all day. Or a big chunk of the day. Then you’ll wake up crazy hungry.

And your cat will look for you because he knows that sleeping all day is messed up.

aawwwww

because I’m bored.

This is the Radcliffe 100 best novels list. I’m curious as to how many of these I read.

1. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
2. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
3. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
4. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
5. The Color Purple by Alice Walker

6. Ulysses by James Joyce
7. Beloved by Toni Morrison
8. The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
9. 1984 by George Orwell

10. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
11. Lolita by Vladmir Nabokov

12. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
13. Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
14. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce
15. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
16. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
17. Animal Farm by George Orwell
18. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
19. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
20. A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
21. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
22. Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne
23. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
24. Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
25. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
26. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
27. Native Son by Richard Wright
28. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
29. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

30. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
31. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
32. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
33. The Call of the Wild by Jack London
34. To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
35. Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
36. Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Baldwin
37. The World According to Garp by John Irving
38. All the King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren
39. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster
40. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
41. Schindler’s List by Thomas Keneally
42. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
43. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
44. Finnegans Wake by James Joyce
45. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
46. Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
47. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
48. Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence

49. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
50. The Awakening by Kate Chopin

51. My Antonia by Willa Cather
52. Howards End by E.M. Forster
53. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
54. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

55. The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
56. Jazz by Toni Morrison
57. Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
58. Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
59. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
60. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
61. A Good Man Is Hard to Find by Flannery O’Connor
62. Tender Is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
63. Orlando by Virginia Woolf
64. Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence
65. Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe
66. Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
67. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
68. Light in August by William Faulkner

69. The Wings of the Dove by Henry James
70. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
71. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
72. A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
73. Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
74. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
75. Women in Love by D.H. Lawrence
76. Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe
77. In Our Time by Ernest Hemingway
78. The Autobiography of Alice B. Tokias by Gertrude Stein
79. The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett
80. The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
81. Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys
82. White Noise by Don DeLillo
83. O Pioneers! by Willa Cather
84. Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
85. The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
86. Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad
87. The Bostonians by Henry James
88. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
89. Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather
90. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
91. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
92. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand okay I read 3/4 of it and wanted to poke my eyes out so that’s as done with this book as I am going to get.
93. The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles
94. Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis
95. Kim by Rudyard Kipling
96. The Beautiful and the Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald
97. Rabbit, Run by John Updike
98. Where Angels Fear to Tread by E.M. Forster
99. Main Street by Sinclair Lewis
100. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie

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