Tag: about me (Page 4 of 5)

another day closer to death.

May 18, 2009 / melissa / 0 Comments

“Remembering that I am going to die is the best way for me to avoid the trap of thinking I have something to lose”. — Steve Jobs

Get busy living, or get busy dying. — Andy Dufresne The Shawshank Redemption

Many colleges and graduate schools had their graduations this weekend. As a result, many graduation speeches were heard. Other blogs commented on great graduation speeches. One that was mentioned over and over again was Steve Jobs’s speech at Stanford University.

When I was a teenager, I was quite a morose kid. I guess you could call me an EMO child– reading Sylvia Plath, thinking about teenage alienation and cliques and the cruelty that goes with it. I went to college and eventually out grew it but it did leave me with a tendency to be drawn to the darker things in life.

Later when I became an investigator, I was exposed to the bad things in life with crime, drugs, desperate poverty shaping a person’s decisions. I learned very quickly that there is no guarantee that when you walk out of the house in the morning that you will walk back in the house later that evening.

As a result, I try to make each day count. It is the explanation for many of my actions. It is what lead me to DC. I always wanted to live in a big city. It makes me grateful to be here in Arkansas spending time with my parents and grandparents because they are old and someday much sooner than I want to consider, they will be gone. I have this tension between myself wanting to do big things like travel to great places and stay here to be with my family. It is also part of my discontent with where I am now. I don’t feel like I am making a difference. I don’t feel that I am experiencing any great new experiences. I feel left out of the small town scene (also known as the “good old boy network”) and that life just might be too short to make it worth my while to try to break it down or change it.

It’s also why I keep a big bold “bucket list” with things I want to experience. I’ve always been a reach for the stars type of person. I have found that even if you don’t achieve the stars– well the moon is pretty cool.

Still excited about 21st Century Breakdown, even if Belle hates Green Day. blargh.

illness

May 6, 2009 / melissa / 2 Comments

I feel like poop. I got crazy sleeping irregularities, sore throat, and a digestive system that manages to make noises that I’ve only heard in horror movies. Usually in those movies, the person explodes or an alien comes flying out of their stomach right after those noises are made. Sleeping is downright scary when you think you’re stomach is going to explode.

I am alive and hanging in there and have read the Oxford American issue on race. I have some thoughts about that. When I am not weary from sleep and keeping my stomach from exploding, I’ll put them here.

I'm officially not young anymore.

March 30, 2009 / melissa / 0 Comments

I was born in the evening around the time most people are watching the evening news.

My friend Mofo is going on a trip later this year with Contiki. I checked out their website and saw all these cool trips. Then I saw this

. What makes traveling with Contiki different is not only do we take 18-35 year old travelers from around the world to the most desirable destinations, but we also encourage them to experience these places in a completely subjective and unique way. It’s not just what you see, it’s how you see it.

*Gasp* I’m too….OLD! I ran to the mirror. I believe I got MORE GRAY HAIR!

Well maybe not old but I have officially hit a milestone. I am no longer considered young. Young is, for demographics purposes, eighteen to thirty-five. Today, I hit the 36 post. I am no longer young. I’m apparently too old to get away with the stupidity of youth. I’m no longer a “stupid college kid” or a “fresh young thing straight out of college.” I am, for all practical purposes, old enough to know better.

Of course, this means that I’m feeling really stupid right now.

The day was a lazy day. Actually, it was a day filled with a long to do list but no immediate deadlines. I procrastinated like a champ. I got a PhD in procrastination. I had two clients come and I ended up chatting with them for long periods of time. I guess that wasn’t wasted time. I was rapport building. I got some paperwork done. No upsetting drama filled phone calls. Then I went home and ate one of my favorite meals (lasagna). I got some presents from my parents. News that the grandparents presents were coming in the mail. Watched some TV. Kicked some ass on Mafia wars over the course of the day. Pretty nice.

Of course, this is birthday week and the weekend is for the MEEK to END.

With my birthday being about ninety days from the beginning of the year, it’s a good time to reassess my goals and test out those resolutions.

1. My running has been fairly consistent and good. I’m gaining fitness with fewer walk breaks and my pace is getting faster. Unfortunately, I haven’t done enough hill training and need to find some hilly terrain with sidewalks or a large shoulder so I can go up the hills without worrying about death and dismemberment due to an automobile accident.

2. I had intention of doing yoga at least twice a week. I also entertained the 100 pushup challenge and the 200 sit-ups challenge. To date, I haven’t even done the diagnostic test on either one. So I’m guessing I should start with something. I at least need some sort of strength training.

3. There is the career management thing which I’ve thought about and I’ve gone to events and shaken hands and made contacts. Usually if I met someone, I either get a card or google where they work (if they tell me) and send a “nice to meet you” note with a card. Yeah I’m cheesetastic. Or a networking genius. Still actual bonafide job hunting is slow. Focus on marketing here. hrmm… not sure.. NOT SURE AT ALL.

4. I know that one goal was to complete the Little Rock Marathon and I DID IT! woo hooo. I had a goal of trying a marathon near the end of the year. That’s 9 more months to train. it’s doable. I’ll still be the last person to finish but I can definitely get the fitness level to finish. I will pick a flatter course than Little Rock, for good measure.

5. I also am planning to be more social. I’m working on it.

Ruminations on a Sunday

March 22, 2009 / melissa / 0 Comments

In the last three days, I have attended two funerals and have clipped out the obituaries of two other people that I know that have died. I’m not sure why this week was the week that God would have his Spring Cleaning of Earth but he did. Some were of the age that it was only a matter of time since very few of us live til ninety. Others were battling cancer. One guy just had a heart attack in his hotel room out of the blue. No one even knew he had a heart condition. He was found slumped over in a chair with half with half a cigarette sitting in the ash tray. Apparently, he had been smoking it when he slumped over.

While it’s plainly obvious that everybody dies, it’s never obvious the when, where, and whys of a particular person’s death. Is it random or meant to send a message to the survivors? I have no idea.

I’m also beset with people who are slowly dying in piecemeal. I have a friend who has battled cancer for years. He’s had surgery on his jaw. He’s had chemo and radiation. It came back. He got more jaw surgery and more chemo. He’s lost and gained more weight than most people do in a life time in the span of months. His mother is 100 and is in a nursing home. She can’t even eat right anymore without choking on her own food. Her memory goes in and out of consciousness. She keeps saying that today is the day she will pass. She’s been ready for quite a while. Her husband died over twenty years ago and two of her kids are already gone. There are also other people out there whose memories have long died, breaking the hearts of family members who are stunned that the sick don’t know who they are.

Strange times, a friend of mine who lives in one of the more “nicer” neighborhoods found a guy sleeping in the bathroom near his gym. The economy has come to this.

Sometimes it’s just hard to breathe when you read about these things.

This weekend, I saw I Love You Man. I will confess at the outset. I love Paul Rudd. I would watch Paul Rudd read the phone book. Okay now that I got that out of the way. This movie is far better than the previews hint. The characters were more fully rounded and “real people” as opposed to stock characters. It seemed plausible that the main character would be engaged to his fiance and that he would end up being friends with his new “man friend.” Of course, the men are into Rush and go to a Rush concert where the main character’s fiance was the only woman there. That was funny as hell. AND TRUE! The soundtrack is pretty nice too. (I Love You, Man)

My wild crazy weekend

February 5, 2009 / melissa / 2 Comments

Last weekend, I had to make a business trip to Fort Smith to tend to some rather stressful business. Since I’ve never been to that part of the state and have tons of friends who live there, I thought I would make it a “big fun weekend” Okay to be fair, the stressful business was originally scheduled for Tuesday but God intervened with the big block of ice.

Anyway, away I go to Fort Smith on Friday. I don’t put enough money in the meter and get a parking ticket. SCORE!

Meanwhile, I’m trying to get coordinated with friends via facebook from Kinko’s because I’ve never been to Fort Smith and don’t know any free wifi places.

I am supposed to meet up with Jennybee later that day. I’ve known Jennybee since high school, which was . . . TWO YEARS AGO! Yes. two years ago. Anyway, a lot has happened in those two years. We’ve dated some losers. Got married, divorced, moved to other states, moved back to Arkansas and a whole host of other things. Hey those were some busy years.

Well I was typing at Kinko’s and pop. There she is. I say “Hi Jennybee” and go back typing.

Yes I’m a dork like that. Then I got up and got all excited and we hugged and acted like 12 year old girls.

One of the fascinating things about seeing someone from your past is that you are instantly reminded of the person you used to be. You see how you’ve changed and how you haven’t.

I got the tour of the house and looked at the shelves and shelves of books and movies. I met the dog and the cat. Both were absolutely adorable. Of course, they loved me. The animals always love me. I emit a scent called “she who gives treats”

We ended up eating at Papa’s Pizza. (YUM!) and I finally met her husband Ben. Ben is a writer. He loves words. In fact, when I told him that Dork was a real word meaning Whale penis, he asked me if it was slang. (well looking it up, I find vulgar slang for “penis” Although someone who is not me at yahoo answers put that it meant whale penis as well. hrmm.) He is also perfect for my friend. Oh and he’s a beer aficionado.

There was eating and chatting. Then we went to their house and more chatting until I just popped out vegging in front of the TV.

The next day was scanning old pictures. More chatting and then they had to work and I had to go.

It was off to the Postsecret exhibit. There was still ice on the ground in Bentonville which was odd since I didn’t get ice at all. The roads were ice free

As I was driving to Bentonville, I got a call from Renee who was sick and would not be eating dinner with me. boo.

For some reason I didn’t take any pictures of the exhibit. I don’t remember a sign up saying that I couldn’t. It seemed a little intrusive to take pictures of these secrets even though they had already been posted up on the internet. They were still fascinating little bits of humanity hanging on a wall. It’s amazing how the adage that “the most personal is the most universal” seems to be true. There were secrets of fear, loss, shame, infidelity, and unmentioned crimes. No matter how odd and out of sync with the world you feel, you can find yourself somewhere in those postcards.

After that, it was a trip to SEPHORA. I love Sephora. It’s a store that sells nothing but beauty products. Yeah I know that I do not necessarily look like a person who would be all giggly over a beauty products store but I am. Sephora has testers of each and every product they sell. Oh the smelling and the testing. I had way too much fun testing lip gloss, tinted moisturizers, blush . . . you name it. I ended up getting the famous Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion (the tinted style). Bellesouth did a review of that stuff and apparently, it does make your eyeshadow last all day.

After that I ended up making attempts to get in touch with Peter which failed and I ended up eating dinner at Doe’s Eat Place in Fayetteville alone. It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would since I had so many plans to see so many people. The ice storm threw people for a loop and other people, like Ms. Bellesouth, already had plans for the weekend penciled in weeks in advance.

So it was a good trip. It was nice to know that some of the friends you make will last. Also, I’m stronger and more adventurous than I thought. I do eventually get over it, no matter what “it” is. I was pleased to learn that my Garmin does work and is quick to becoming the most prized possession in my car.

100 things worth doing (1-25)

January 11, 2009 / melissa / 2 Comments

This quote from superhero journal inspired me and others. It also set forth a meme of cool things to do.

And there were a few stories that stuck. One was a story that Elizabeth Gilbert paraphrased from a book she had read recently. The question posed was about living in the now and this writer responded that living in the now is overrated and unless you’re a yogi or a monk, pretty much impossible for us regular folk. He said that possibly, the key to a happy life is about having great memories to look back on and great things to look forward to. So take lots of pictures and make lots of plans!

My life is a mess right now. It’s such a mess that I don’t feel like sharing it right now. I will, however, write down some of the good memories of things past.

Repainting my bedroom walls purple. (this is my favorite color). There’s something about being surrounded by your favorite color that just makes you a little bit happier
Seeing Jerry Seinfeld perform
Going on safari in Kenya
Celebrating Mardi Gras in New Orleans
Going to a DC (or any town really) where I didn’t know anybody (and had vague rumors of only one person I knew being there) and making a life there.
Rubbing a puppy’s belly. They love it.
Hearing Barack Obama speak
Catching lightning bugs with my brother
Reading Lolita by Vladimir Nabakov
Having a hot dog at Gray’s Papaya
Attending a Presidential Inauguration (I saw the Swearing in Ceremony for Clinton’s second)
Volunteering for a political campaign (I’ve done several. Obama was fun. Kerry was fun too)
Running a 5K
Playing blackjack at a casino in Las Vegas
Beignets at Cafe du Monde
A pastrami on rye from Katz’s Delicatessen
Seeing the Korean Memorial in Washington DC at night
Getting a compliment from the Compliment Man
Legal Observing for the 2000 IMF/World Bank Protest.
Getting in touch with that old boyfriend you have dreams about and realize that he isn’t all that anyway (I’m leaving the name out of it here)
Going inside a cave (it’s a completely different world in there)
Doing something that scares you. It might not be that bad
Browsing at a sex toy store. (dude that is an experience)
Swimming in the ocean
Cooking food with my grandma

Epiphany

January 6, 2009 / melissa / 1 Comment

This is the last day of Holidailies and dammit I made it. I posted something every day. By golly, I did it.
I had an epiphany.

Writing something every day is hard. Writing something every day that doesn’t suck dog shit. REALLY REALLY HARD!

For me personally, 2008 was a year where I learned a lot about what I don’t like. I don’t like small towns. I don’t like the xenophobic homogeneity that seems to flourish in a town where everybody seems the same. The knee jerk volatile reaction to anything that even appears to interrupt the status quo is cumbersome.

I don’t understand a place that would squander an education to pay for a football team’s equipment so that team can win a state championship. I don’t understand the demonization of intellectualism.

I don’t understand a place that would allow for a person’s property to be vandalized because of the color of their skin.

I don’t understand a place that could call the first African American being elected president the number seventh most important news story of the year.

I learned that I miss playing piano.

I miss urban amenities like art and live music clubs.

I also learned that I mistyped by email address on my stumbleupon account and I can’t retrieve my password.

Thanks Holidailies readers. See you next year.

2008 in pictures (the person ones)

December 31, 2008 / melissa / 2 Comments

I got a gym membership for Christmas but didn’t fill out the forms until January 1st.

This is Breezy the most awesome dog in the universe. I spent last New Year’s day at her house. She’s a party animal.

Max, my pretty pretty kitty, got murdered by two Rottweilers while enjoying the outdoors. Seriously, they were trying to eat him. They cracked his spine and broke one of his legs off at the hip. The leg was hanging on by the skin. My town really needs to enforce its leash laws better.

I went to my friend Tiffany’s wedding in Tulsa. We were known as the “backup bridesmaids”

I met Bellesouth and Debbie at the Tulsa zoo. Unfortunately, I was so excited by the animals I didn’t get a picture of us. LOOK that Cougar. There’s no fence. NO FENCE!

It snowed in March. That is creepy enough to get a mention and picture here.

I went to Greek Food Fest and had gyros and watched some folk dancing. It was fun.

I spent the Fourth of July at my Grandmother’s house. She was canning tomatoes. She always keeps a garden.

This was an Obama rally on the steps of the capital. The special guest was Hillary Clinton.

Race for the Cure with Team Fabulous. That is a fun group of women, y’all.

These were some great guys and this sign still cracks me up.

Went to Kennett Missouri to campaign for Obama. Also stopped by Tennessee to have dinner and beer with Kevin.

My friend’s son celebrated his 10th birthday at the bowling alley. I got to come along. I got conned into serving the ice cream. GAH!

This is the County Clerk and the Chief of Police getting into a heated argument over why he can’t close the parking area of the fire station for a training exercise on the same day the fire station is being used as a polling place. Oh it was craziness. This was also in Missouri.

I ran Craig’s Jingle Bell 5K.

DMZ 20 year reunion show at Vino’s with Matt Besser. Good times.

Christmas came and went. That’s the food. NOM NOM

There you go. While there were ups and downs, it seems to be a good year.

last words

December 30, 2008 / melissa / 0 Comments

Don’t you just hate it when you are put in a situation that frustrates you and then ten minutes later, you think of the perfect response? Or you want to be tactful and so you don’t exactly tell the truth. Or you’re just chickenshit and don’t express your true feelings. Yeah I have those moments too. Here are some of those thoughts.

You, me, everybody and their mama knows that you don’t give a crap about this community. You only care about yourself. That letter you wrote didn’t fool anybody.
You’re a bigot that puts the ass in assbackwards. I am ashamed to be related to you
You’re smart, funny, cute, and have a treasure trove of varied interests. I am truly surprised you don’t realize how fucking awesome you are. I want to kiss you smack dab on the mouth and stay up til the wee hours of the morning talking about bullshit. Your bullshit is more entertaining than John Stewart.
I’m sorry I’m not a petty, vindictive good old boy. Oh wait, I’m not.
Maybe it’s been years since you’ve been in a relationship because you’re too self centered to notice anyone else or their needs. I’m just saying.
You are my hero. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me but I’m a loser like this.
We’re not friends because I think you take me for granted and I hate the person I become when interacting with you. I feel you don’t respect my boundaries and that I have to constantly keep my guard up or you will suck me dry. That’s no way to live. I do remember you fondly and you will always have a small part of my heart.
YES WE DID. CHANGE DID COME! I am so impressed by you. Have a great inauguration! (oops this one is easy to figure out). BUT shame on you for not liking “girly dogs” Breezy is a girly dog but she is awesome AND hypoallergenic. Breezy the white bichon frise would be the perfect white house dog.
Woah you really let yourself go. Get off your ass and lose some poundage. damn.
Okay that little know it all kiss the teacher’s ass while stabbing your colleagues in the back bullshit you got going on is old.
When I heard that you married a wealthy doctor who is ten years your senior, I thought to myself, “yeah he always wanted to be a kept man.” I feel very sad that our relationship has deteriorated to the point that this is the first thought I think.
Look I don’t care who you are, the ten items or less means ten ITEMS or less not ten BAGS OF ITEMS or less. Shame on you, you fucking bitch. And shame on your ms. cashier for not calling her on it. Oh and the part where you act like I’m in the wrong for saying something, well you’re lucky I didn’t send a letter to corporate with your name on it.
Alright, your power is going out. I waited until it got especially cold to tell Detroit that your account is with a fake identity. Sucks to be you, you big criminal. At least jail will be warmer than your no power place.

Sixteen tons and what do you get?

December 16, 2008 / melissa / 1 Comment

Bellesouth says that I tagged her on facebook for this meme but she is sadly mistaken. I haven’t done this meme anywhere and since it’s Holidailies, I thought I would amuse you with these snippets.

The Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 random people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

I actually keep a large and annotated bucket/things to do before I croak/goal list. There are hundreds of things on there
I want to finish a marathon
Even though I am from Arkansas which considers itself the South even though the coasts consider it the Midwest (these are some fighting words y’all), I do not like fried catfish, sweet tea, boiled okra, deer hunting, the Arkansas Razorback football team or watermelon. I’m afraid the state might revoke my driver’s license, “Sorry hon but you’re no Arkansan of mine!”
Once upon a time, I had a website and I wrote an entry about how I was so horny I could cry. A reader sent me a vibrator for Christmas. God bless the internet
I love the writing of William Faulkner and want to read everything he has ever written
I was able to name 111 countries on this website
I was inspired to take piano lessons from a Bugs Bunny cartoon involving Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2
I still want to be able to play that song
One of the most amusing memories of my brother is when he put an egg in the microwave to cook it. I believe I was 12 and he was 10. The egg exploded and blew the microwave door wide open.
I have straddled the equator in Kenya
When I’m on my own accord and not bound my societal conventions or legal obligations, I curse like a sailor.
If it’s possible to have a diet Dr. Pepper addition, then I definitely need join Diet Dr. Pepper Anonymous.
I want to ride on camel while looking at the pyramids in Egypt. I need to hurry up, I hear acid rain is making them erode away
I’m scared of snakes
I like taking photographs. In another life, I would be a photojournalist
I turn into a babbling baby talking idiot whenever I see a kitty cat or a tiny puppy dog. Seriously, someone is going to shoot me someday.
I lost 30 pounds this year. GO ME!

This isn’t actually facebook so I’ll just tag anybody who reads this and needs a holidailies prompt.

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