Category: Melissa’s life (Page 5 of 20)

Today is Mother’s day and many people are putting pictures of their mothers on their profile page but I am not doing so. She doesn’t like having her picture taken. So I figured on the day to celebrate her that I would respect her wishes in this regard. I have learned many things from my mother: some of these things she taught me purposefully and other things I picked up by following her example or watching how the world treats her.

I learned all sorts of useful things like how to read and how to tie my shoes. She is kind to everyone whether they were black or white or green. She is even kind to those who don’t necessarily deserve it. She has more patience than I will ever have. She is not afraid to embrace the silly. This year she gave me the peace, love, and tacky Snuggie for Christmas. She manages to give stuffed animals for pretty much every other holiday. She likes to laugh, sometimes at my expense. She is an amazing listener.

She was a stay at home Mom and sometimes I wonder if she was happy with her decision. Sometimes I wonder who she was before she became a mom. She got married in her early twenties and by the time she was my age, my brother and I were already in school. I know that she has said that was young and naive when ti came to kids but I’ve never asked for specifics regarding the sheer fear of having two kids with a husband who traveled for business.

She has always been my biggest fan. She was a band parent. She was at pretty much every dance recital, every piano recital, swim meet, girl scout meeting and whatever else I managed to dream up to do in my spare time.

I am grateful that she is still here. Some of my friends don’t have that luxury.

Today is my brother’s birthday. My own birthday was earlier this week. Growing up, my brother and I had a joint birthday party that served as a psuedo family reunion. of course, we grew to the point that we wanted parties with our friends instead. But given their close proximity, the entire week seemed to be Birthday week for both of us.

Even now, it seems to be a birthday week celebration. Like all birthdays, I got a lot of well wishes from friends near and far. I got some gifts. I got to go out to eat and I got a cake. Okay my mother was responsible for the cake. She thinks we should have cake. That’s a big deal for her. It makes her ridiculously happy.

Of course, getting older means thinking about your life and pondering what it means. It also means pondering how you’ve changed over the years and how you want to change in the next years.

I’ve learned the value of friendship, new and old. I’ve learned that sometimes friends grow apart to become strangers and others can pick up right where they left off years earlier.

I’ve learned that I have amazing gifts. I am smart. I am able to work toward long range goals like preparing for a trial or running a half marathon. I am able to talk to a wide variety of people from all walks of life. As a result, I have a wide variety of friends and associates that I have amassed over the years. I can still play piano better than the average bear and I still appreciate a fine book. Hell, I even appreciate a flaming piece of crap book. I have a big heart. I have a memory that, although not photographic, still manages to astound friends and neighbors.

I also have big glaring flaws. I am a perfectionist who finds flaws in everything I do. Sometimes, this perfectionism will lead to procrastination because there’s no way my work will ever be anything but completely full of suck. I have worked hard to let the perfectionism go and just try my best. Due to my “amazing” memory, I take longer to let something go than most people. It’s hard to forgive when you remember something with the donkey kick in the stomach clarity of the first moments of betrayal. I have had to work on letting things go. I eat my feelings. I have a Ph.D in eating my feelings and I have the huge ass to show for it.

I have improved. I used to take all criticism to heart without looking at the motivation of the person doing the criticizing. Now I am better at that. Sometimes people say things out of jealousy and spitefulness. Sometimes criticism isn’t constructive but destructive. It’s always a good idea.

I’ve learned that even with those flaws and even if every flaw professed by my enemies were true, that I am still good enough. I just might even be awesome.

This year I was reminded that we all die and that there is no guarantee for a tomorrow. With that lesson, I am trying to live each day as it is my last and tell people how I feel.

So it’s been a good year. It’s spring now with the birds starting to chirp. I watch my cat in the window watching the birds outside. I watch the birds oblivious to the presence that really wants to eat them. I think about the future. I think about the past. Then I get up and go do something.

IT turns out that my father had indeed broken his leg. He broke his tibia near his knee. He had to have surgery with a metal plate and screwss and a whole lot of other things. His surgery was scheduled for Wednesday morning. He and Mom stayed the night in a nearby hotel. I was in Little Rock on business anyway. I met them for dinner and took Dad to Damgoode pies. He asked for spaghetti and meatballs but he also wanted somewhere close to the hospital.

He was told to not eat or drink anything after eight o’clock so there was this sense of urgency on whether the food would come out in time to eat it. There was this palpable sense that this was the last of something. I have no idea if 10 minutes would make a big difference but the doctors told them that if he ate something after eight, they wouldn’t do the surgery so they were very persnickety and nervous about the time limit.

Even though the meal wasn’t that long ago, I remember it with a vividness that tells me that I will remember the evening for quite a while. There was a sense that things will be different after this. They will. Dad will be in a brace for ten weeks. The surgery might not work one hundred percent and he could be put on disability. His surgery went seemlessly. The doctor had another emergency. They waited all day to see if he would be checked out today or tomorrow. He’s coming home tomorrow. THen it’s more waiting to see how he heals up.

So much unknown.

Oh and watch this video made by the GW Law Revue. They are some funny kids.