Category: Melissa’s life (Page 11 of 20)

Bullet points/things I've done.

April 22, 2010 / melissa / 0 Comments

I will probably elaborate on these later but there are no guarantees.

I attended the UALR Black Law Students’ Association banquet at the Governor’s Mansion. I took pictures. I had lovely conversations. Then I acted likea complete dork. The end.
I joined the local chapter of the NAACP
I attended my 15 year college reunion. I made peace with the bad stuff. Oh it’s still bad stuff and sucks donkey balls but I think I’m finally at a point where I’m not bitter. Yeah it took 15 years for the bitter to go away. What? it was some fucked up shit.
Bill Halter town meeting in my town. Nice turn out. Some slight xenophobia.
The evil Dr. K popped up on facebook. Aye carumba
So many CLE’s in the next month.
Finally feeling productive. No really. Bonafidely productive.

cough cough

April 6, 2010 / melissa / 0 Comments

Spring is upon us! Do you know what this means? Warm temperatures! Sun! Green leaves! Flowers!

And Pollen.

Lots.

and lots

of pollen.

The thin yellow powder looks has formed a light film over the entire town. Gussying up cars, the sidewalks, and the sinuses of every being that has a sinus or two.

So there is coughing and sneezing.

And ACHING…

and spitting up tapioca pudding style phlegm.

Wait? There’s no aching in allergies!.

And that pudding style stuff..

DAMN I got a COLD during Allergy season.

yes folks. I am sick. Been laying in the bed and sleeping a lot. Coughing so hard that I pee in my pants. Getting old isn’t pretty people. It’s not pretty at all.

I haven’t been to work in the past two days. I did go manage to have a great Easter with my extended family. I took lots of pictures. I will have to download them later.

Since this was my second time to run/walk the Little Rock marathon, I wasn’t exactly what you could call nervous or excited. It seemed like a natural thing to do. I was, however, a little nervous about the fact that a back number was not in my packet. I read the fees and it had language about disqualification. So I was a little anxious about that. Then again I wasn’t going to win so what would disqualification get me anyway.

I woke up and my hotel had a complimentary (err included in room fee) breakfast. I ate a bagel and banana. There were a lot of fellow runners in the lobby. One guy had named himself “Sexy Canadian” on his name badge. I got some reassurance that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t receive a “back badge” saying half and others weren’t wearing them so I didn’t feel too bad about not having one.

Then it was time to go. There’s always this buzz right before a race where you feel more alive than you will ever feel in your entire life . . . . until the next race. It’s a mixture of pure adrenaline, anticipation, and nervousness.

AND we’re off.

And I was running… then walking.. then running… then… woah what’s that in my back.

I knew it was going to be a tough race because the combination of cold and constant rain made my training pretty much non-existent. I wasn’t expecting to make the decision to walk from mile 4. So I walked.

And what a walk it was. It was sunny and it was warm. The people were cheering. I wasn’t expecting to be last. Being last is funny because there is a jeep (or van or truck) following you to let the police officers and others know that they can open traffic back up after it passes. I felt like a dictator. A benevolent dictator holding traffic up while I go on my morning stroll.

And my morning stroll became an afternoon stroll as I came in around 12:22. I came in a whole hour later than I did the year before. That was a little embarrassing. But I got my medal and I was quite proud of myself.

Sometimes the best race isn’t the one you win. It’s the race you lose with a blaze of glory. There’s honor in not going gently into that good night.

Okay I’ll stop with the cliches.

Afterward, I ate some “Perks place” grub and got one of the complimentary massages. OH lord. Some women want to marry doctors and lawyers. Screw that I’m all about the massage therapist.

So I finished and managed to knock two things down off my bucket list.

Half Marathon Eve

March 6, 2010 / melissa / 0 Comments

Tomorrow morning is “race day” or the Little Rock Marathon Of course, I’m doing the half this year. My training was not what I had hoped. I let the rainy schedule mess with my schedule and I can’t do treadmills.

It should be interesting. So my goal is to finish it in the 4 hours alloted.

So yee haww.

I do get a big kick going to the Expo. There’s always other races with booths there. They have pamphlets outlining their race and they’ll have medals from years past. There’s all these running gear shops like One more mile and Run like a girl. They have the stickers with the “13.1” and the “26.2” There were several different slogans that i liked including “Yes I run like a girl . . . try to keep up” Another one is “You don’t have to go fast. You just have to go” (or something like that) There’s always the “will run for wine” and “Will run for beer.”

My number one favorite t-shirts are “13.1: I don’t go all the way” and it’s counterpart “26.2: I go all the way”

Yes, sex sells even in running gear.

There’s all the interesting people. There’s people from everywhere. There’s the 50 staters (people who try to run a marathon in each of the 50 states) and a bunch of other folks. The races are addictive. There’s something about them.

I’m typing this in the “business center” of a local hotel and so the pictures are just not here. This year is a little anticlimactic. Last year was my first race and there was all this pre race jitters and while I do have a sense of anxiety and excitement, it is nowhere near the level of frenzy of last year.

It’s surprisingly calm. My only source of angst is that I didn’t get a “back number” and I am scared I am going to get disqualified. I didn’t bother looking in my envelope of goodies to check to see if i had it. They opened it up to show my number and pulled a tag off to designate that I had gotten my t-shirt but no back number. I guess I need to go early. yikes.

My mother came up with me again this year. I’m guessing the Little Rock marathon is going to be a tradition where I bond with my Mom. We ate at Chi’s and let rice be our carbo loading. She’s got a lot of cheering to do tomorrow.

Sometimes I make stuff up to make people laugh.

February 20, 2010 / melissa / 0 Comments

I love being funny. I love making people laugh. I’m not sure where this urge came from because when I was a child, I was extremely shy and didn’t like attention at all. I learned at some point that I can be funny and make people laugh and so now I have the urge to do it more than is necessarily proper.

So here is a time when it probably was proper. I was making up this stuff as I was going along. Some would say it’s a gift from God. Others might say I have the Devil in me. So here goes.

So I met this guy in a bar. Okay it wasn’t like that but it was a bar in Little Rock and I met him. So here’s how it went. I’m changing the person’s name to “Dude.” The conversation went something like this.

Dude: Have I seen you somewhere before?

me: I don’t know? Have you?

Dude: I swear I have. Do you live here?

me: no but I do visit quite often. I like live music.

Dude: oh that might be where. I go out a lot. (proceeds to mention bars)

me: yeah I’ve been there once or twice.

Dude: I’ve a little drunk right now.

me: yeah a little. I can tell. You’re animated but you’ll remember everything the next morning. One more drink and you’re making ridiculously bad decisions that you’ll remember. You’ll be calling your friend, “I can’t believe you let me go home with her. I thought you were my friend. What’s wrong with you?”

At this point, Dude begins to crack up and almost falls on the floor laughing.

Dude: that happened to me last week

Me: really. Happens to the best of us. But seriously. What kind of wingman is that? That’s a broken wingman. He’s supposed to make you look good to the hotties and block you from the notties. Broken wingman.

Dude: haaaa broken wingman..

Me: If his taste are that off from yours, you can do him a favor and give all of your ‘notties” his phone number.

Dude: (laughing… almost choked on his drink…. more laughing. then he gets real quiet) ooooh that’s a good one.

Me: Yep that’s right. Give them his number. He’ll think about the consequences of his actions in the future. umm hmmmm.

I have no idea. I was making it up as I was going along. I was fueled by the laughter.

Best resolutions ever.

January 2, 2010 / melissa / 2 Comments

Well I’m a day late but I am taking the NANOBLOMO challenge and am going to be posting something every day for this month. (bwahahahah)

I spent yesterday at my grandmother’s house eating the traditional New Year’s Day foods and was away from the internet.

So today it’s resolution time.

Here we go.

I will not kill any small children or animals in 2010
I will finish the Little Rock half marathon with a faster time than last year’s Little Rock Half Marathon. (This shouldn’t be too hard, I more or less cramped out about 2/3 of the way through. The time was 3 hours 26 minutes 20 seconds)
I will make Duck L’Orange from Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking, Vol. 1
I will eat all the ice cream I want. (*wink* to LR tweetup)
Less whining and more productivity. This is the “If you’re not going to do something about it, then don’t bitch” which means if something makes me unhappy enough to bitch about it then I will find out what I can do to change it. This may end up being that I just need to lighten the hell up.
I will try to be healthier by keeping a food journal all year. I will attempt to use Weight Watchers point system and see if I can’t lose weight, too
I will start the 100 push up challenge
I will start the 200 sit up challenge
I will blog here at least once a week
I will see Fellini’s 8 1/2
I will attend my college reunion

A festivus for the rest of us: the airing of the grievances

December 18, 2009 / melissa / 0 Comments

Festivus in Adams Morgan

Originally uploaded by mringlein

My old neighborhood, Adams Morgan in DC is celebrating Festivus.

And well gosh darn it. Not one to be all left out of a celebration, I too am celebrating Festivus.

The feats of strength will be later… but first…
THE AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES

1. When I write a letter to a public official and the public official doesn’t answer the letter but bad mouths subject of letter publically, it chaps my hide. Also, it makes me feel no sympathy for Arkansas getting a bad reputation…. because if a place can elect someone too stupid to answer their own damn mail, then maybe it deserves the reputation it gets.

2. Tiger Woods, why did you get married when you wanted to screw everybody within a 20 mile radius? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!!!

3. I can’t believe the amount of brain cells and time was wasted reading about the John and Kate plus 8 debacle. I’m embarrassed to admit I got sucked it.

4. I hate being sucked in to stupid tabloid shit.

5. Dear Duggar, WE GET IT. YOU are fertile. NO blanks shooting out of your gun. WE GET IT. but after kid . . . oh . . . .15. . . you’re just showing off.

6. weightloss…… you avoided me this year…. oh stress eating.

7. 2009. You sucked donkey balls for me. DONKEY BALLS! It was a Mexican Hooker year at casa de Melissa. Okay you only half sucked donkey balls. You sucked one of the balls. I’m guessing the left one. The right one is currently suck free.

8. They bought back the creepy baby Jesus for the Nativity scene again. I’m having nightmares.

9. Why do police and firemen get paid so little?

10. Tiger Woods apparently screwed everyone in the neighborhood BUT ME. SERIOUSLY do my pits stink. Everyone else got to ride the six iron, why not me? I don’t even think Tiger Woods is attractive but dammit EVERYBODY and their MAMA got a trip to the Romper room so I’m beginning to question my deodorant and hair removal choices.

11. This zit on my nose isn’t making me happy either.
11. Oh yeah the laziness. THE LAZINESS. I haven’t ran in two weeks. ME. Runner girl. No running. My ass is expanding. aye carumba. and I can’t find my ipod either.

Fight The Humbug (reprint)

November 28, 2009 / melissa / 0 Comments

This is a reprint from last year
but I think it should be read every holiday season.

For some reason, everybody and their Mama is starting to hate on Christmas. Eleanor is losing the spirit. MF never had it (I think he’s lying just to look like a badass for the ladies). There’s even a Bah Humbug club in England.

Back in the day, I used to feel a little blue during the holiday and then I came to resent the holiday. Finally, I have gotten to the point where I can enjoy the thing. Here are some of my tips.

Christmas doesn’t turn crap into gold. Yeah everybody and their mama tells you that Christmas is the time for friends and family. Everybody is supposed to get together and have a jolly old good time. This is all great and all but if your family tap dances on your last nerve: your grandpa is an alcoholic or your aunt is mean and uses you as an emotional whipping girl. None of that is going to change because Jesus was born many years ago. They’re still going to be the same shitheads that they are the other 51 weeks out of the year. Sometimes, you might have to set up some personal boundaries for yourself and limit the time with drunk grandpa and mean aunt if it’s going to harsh your buzz for the entire season.
That being said, if you have been a jackass to someone and are feeling bad about it. This holiday season does give you the opportunity to extend an olive branch or a peace pipe. It’s not calling people out of the blue for no reason, it’s wishing them well for the holiday season.
Your problems aren’t going to go away just because it’s the seasonIf you’re unhappy,fat, or broke, you’re still going to be unhappy, fat, and/or broke. It’s not going to go away because there’s a tree and some presents
People are not nicer during the holiday season. I don’t know what this peace on Earth, goodwill towards man crap is. Ask anyone who works in retail during the holiday season and they will tell you, “people are still the same greedy shits they are the other 11 months of the year. In fact, the greedy shitness is multiplied.” People are shooting each in Toys R Us over what? A Wii. A Bratz doll? People want to be the hero to their own friends and relatives by bringing them the choice gifts so they can get some applause and standing ovations. They will push, pull, poke, and possibly steal the toy out of your shopping cart. Then they drop fifty cents into the Salvation Army bucket and go home thinking they’re a great charitable human being.
Avoid Christmas music. Here’s the deal. The classical music written by the white haired greats such as Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms, Yeah that stuff rules. BUT the stuff that is produced closer to today, it sucks. The record producers know that you’re only going to play it for the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas day. They’re not trying to create a Stairway to Heaven or a Help or even a Hey Ya. They know it’s never going to be a number one single or go platinum so they’re going to put out some crap to get a little change in their pockets and go home. To put it simply, Christmas records are CRAP! Avoid that shit. You’ll hear it enough in stores, on television, and on the radio to purposefully put yourself in a position of listening to it on purpose. It’s crappy music with cheesy lyrics. It, for the most part, is not good music. It sucks. Bad arranging. The singer might be out of tune. Nobody is caring because you’ll listen to it for six weeks and then put it up and listen to it six weeks next year. It’s shitty music. So don’t be tearing out the Christmas music right after thanksgiving and expect to not want to poke your eardrums out to rid yourself of that gawdawful noise because that’s just unrealistic. Avoid the shitty Christmas music. Or write to your Congressman to demand that people release stuff that isn’t certified crap. Also, I think those records will say “I hate myself and want to die” if you play them backwards. Yes I do.
Buy your presents online. People go crazy and they especially go crazy in malls. If you can get your gifts online, you avoid that stuff. Of course, my local Chamber of Commerce is going to send me reindeer crap for this particular item. Nice! Fertilizer for my flowers!
You don’t have to go to every party invited. For some reason, there is this pressure to attend every Christmas party. Do you attend every party you have ever been invited? Seriously, say “No thank you, I have other plans.” It doesn’t matter if those plans are sitting on your couch with your cat watching “Veronica Mars” reruns. If you don’t want to go to that particular party, don’t go! OF course, there is this pressure to be a social maven during the holiday. If you’re not a social butterfly who likes large parties or the particular party is filled with people who will make you lose the little faith you have in the human race, don’t be a martyr for the holiday. Don’t go to the shitty party. Give yourself a present.
Avoid peer pressure Yeah Mary has a thousand Christmas lights with some blow up dolls in her front yard but that doesn’t mean YOU have to do that to your house. In many ways, this could apply to some of the above advice. This goes for gifts. If you can’t afford to buy a Wii, don’t let your kid and your neighbors who are getting one make you feel bad for not buying one. Yeah it sucks but bankruptcy because you can’t pay those credit cards later sucks more. So shake it off. Be the rock star that other people want to emulate. Forget those Joneses, they’re probably all on prozac and in therapy anyway.

So there you go. There is some of my advice to survive the holidays without feeling like pooo!

I covet this

November 21, 2009 / melissa / 0 Comments

I love yoga. Back in the day, I would take yoga classes at this place in DC. Of course, I move back and NO YOGA. I managed to find this VHS tape called MTV Yoga. It’s a very good basic yoga workout.

Of course, my vhs player is kaput.

Gobblers, Little Giblets and plans gone awry

November 15, 2009 / melissa / 0 Comments

IMG_3190

Originally uploaded by the magnificient purple and mystical goat of love

I intended to do many things this weekend. For example, I intended to attend this conference on Friday. I didn’t attend due to my wonderful clock setting skills which confused AM with PM. I woke up at 10 a.m. all warm and fuzzy and then shouted words that would embarrass my mother. Since the conference itself was in Little Rock and I live a good two hours away…. well, you do the math.

I really wanted to listen to programs on how poor people aren’t getting proper legal services. As a person who has consistently worked and interned in public defender’s offices, I know how the poor live and I heard about all the struggles to get basic necessities. It’s hard to go to a job interview if you don’t even have metro fare.

I ended up commisserating by watching Dexter episodes on DVD. I’m not sure why watching serial killers cheers me up but it always does.

My original plans were to go to the conference, stay the night in a hotel, and then run the Great Gobbler/Little Giblets 5K in Maumelle on Saturday morning. Well that went to hell, so I decided to get up early and drive to Maumelle from my house in SE Arkansas. So I did just that.

I get to the race site and go for my purse and realize that I had left my purse in SE AR. !*&)(^&)^^%!!! somehow I had left my checkbook in my car. No I don’t know either and am completely embarassing myself by confessing my flightiness to the public at large. It did end up saving my ass later because I was able to buy a Walmart gift card to pay that I could use in the gas station to get gas to come home.

So the race itself. I had not run since the great rain of 2009. I am a wuss about getting wet and this was my first real run since then. Also, the route had an incline. I knew it was going to be a slow time. It was. Average page was 15:32 AND 48:10.29 OVERALL. OUCH! that’s slow. It’s my slowest time ever.

Well progress is always one step at a time.

OH and if you’re fat and don’t want to exercise or race because people will laugh at you, get over it. People who laugh at others are retarded.

AHEM…

I met my friends John and Rebecca. Rebecca was running the race also. Here’s her picture. I went to undergrad with John way back in the day. Back in the day, he was a big cool senior who ran the radio station and I was a big dorky freshman. They were meeting some other friends and had brunch after the race. I had some spicy chorizo that burned my whole entire mouth. OOH CALIENTE indeed. Of course, I asked where he got it.

I finally (and I do mean finally) got to meet the beautiful and funny Sophie. Sophie is four. I asked her if she was running the Little Giblets 1K. She responded, “I am running zero K” Yeah that kid knows what’s going on. If I had any inkling that I could produce a kid as awesome as Sophie, I’d put a bun in my oven today. Unfortunately, I think I would produce a kid more like that kid who wanted to do “hood rat stuff with his friend”

I also saw my friend Ken from undergrad. He was Jennybee’s boyfriend back then. His son was indeed running the 1K. His name is Beckett and he is 3. Yes he is cute. His parents adopted him from Vietnam which is an awesome story in and of itself. [aside, isn’t “in and of itself” the most redundant pretentious phrase in the English language. I can’t believe I just used it in an sentence] Yeah they blogged about it over here. I hadn’t seen him in years.

THEN, I met some more friends for lunch at Panera. Here’s a picture of that. We also managed to raise money for a Shelter. Yee haww.

Even though I had many very definite plans for this weekend. I was able to adjust and still have fun. Life is about making memories and the relationships you have with other people. This weekend was definitely for the memory books.

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