I am typing this from my phone because my internet is down and yet my brain is buzzing a mile a minute.

My life is in a complete transition. I am making arrangements to move out of the tiny town that I live in. Apparently, my moving away is threatening or alienating. I have talked to others in the same situation and it is not just me.

Also, I don’t have the right last name and the right Daddy. I haven’t seen a woman who is successful here without being married or born into the right family.

Frankly, I am not sure about all of the factors but I am tired of being the one to make the initiative all the damn time. And I am tired of the too cool for school cold should.

It is enough to zap the will to work hard and the will to try. I am sick of it. So I am working to change it.

I restarted Weight watchers. I did it almost 5years ago. I just started so we’ll see. I did a food diary and realized I stress eat a lot of junk. Junk. So I am cleaning up my diet. Oh and I am going to Zumba classes.

I still miss my friend. There is this bitter custody dispute her ex husband and her parents over the kids. I am not the attorney for either side nor should I be but there is this nagging feeling that I.should have done something. There are these lingering questions and I am hoping just hoping that nothing happens to those kids. Realistically there is nothing I can do. I need serenity or grace or something.

I need to let it go.

All of this change is intimidating and a little scary but I choose to be happy. All of this trying to fit in and get along with people who have no interest in having anything to do with me is not healthy. The ways I have been coping aren’t healthy either.