Sometimes, Melissa runs her legs. Sometimes, she runs her mouth.

Tag: high school

Death be not proud

I’ve been thinking about death quite a bit lately. First, my high school’s twenty year class reunion was last weekend. I was on the committee. I was in charge of telling everyone and their mama about the reunion and making the memorials for the classmates who have died already. I put some “Billie Blue” ribbon on white pillar candles. I also made these memory books that were to be signed by my classmates. The books and candles would be given to a surviving member of the classmate’s family. Five of my classmates have died, including my dear friend Angela who died about 18 months ago.

As I was preparing these books and reading over the group message that showed the other members of the committee preparing the rest of the reunion, I couldn’t help thinking about my friend and what it would be like with here. I went to her grave and talked to her. Even though I think actually going to a grave involves magical thinking. IF your soul is not part of your body and is flying around in Heaven or can go anywhere it wants, why would it hang around at the cemetery? But for some reason, I get some sense of calm going out there. So I went out there and looked at her flowers and thought about our high school days.

I wonder what life would be like if she was still around. I wonder what her kids would be like. They live in Missouri with their Dad now and I can see the changes the accompany puberty in their facebook photos. I wonder where she hid her will. I can’t believe she didn’t have one. Sometimes I can hear her in the same place where I hear my conscience, telling me things. It’s not an auditory hallucination but it’s in the same place, that same hard to define place where you get a message that tells you this action is wrong.

About two days after my high school reunion, I found that my junior year prom date Brandon had killed himself. I wish I could say we were close friends but we weren’t. We both shared a speech and debate class. He was a senior and lived at the Baptist home. I never heard him talk about his parents and his only complaint about the Baptist home was that they wouldn’t let him listen to certain types of music. He nervously asked me to prom and I went. There was an after party and he asked me if I would like to go to that and I said yes. Then when prom arrived, we danced all night and ended up staying at a friend’s house watching movies.

Later, in speech and debate class, my other classmates all gathered around me asking about my date to the prom. Apparently, nerd love is a hot topic. He walked in on me talking about it, turned around, and didn’t speak to me until a couple of years later when I ran into him at a local fast food joint in my college town. It was a moment where I acted exactly like I was in high school.

When I saw him a few years later, he seemed happy to see me. He said something briefly about how he was in college and then partied to the point that he had to drop out. He said he was working but it was a very brief encounter and he didn’t give a phone number and I didn’t ask for his or give him mine. I’m not sure what that means in the grand scheme of things.

He found me on facebook and had mentioned that he wasn’t going to his high school reunion because he wasn’t happy about his life. Then his account went down. Then he refriended me. Then I found out he killed himself.

ANd later this same week I found out Steve Jobs died. Well I don’t know him. I liked his views on life and his commencement speech at Stanford University is one of the most profound things I have heard.

I have no great wisdom regarding all of these deaths other than I don’t understand why them and not three other people. I know eventually death catches up with all of us. I know that we will never completely know the effect we have on others or what we mean to other people. It seems that we, myself included, get so caught up in life or so scared of rejection that we never really tell people how we feel. It gets lost in the chatter.

The only thing I know is that no matter how much time we have, it’s never quite enough. There’s always something else we want to do. So go after what you want and do what makes you happy so long as it doesn’t involve hurting other people. That’s all I know right now.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. —- Steve Jobs, Stanford University Commencement Speech 2005

Interesting times.

I have yet another funeral to attend. It’s a friend of the family. She was one hundred years old. It wasn’t a surprise. She had bleeding on the brain and wasn’t eating but yes. Three funerals in one week. That’s pretty spectacular for someone who isn’t in the medical or funeral home business and didn’t experience some epic tragedy like a school shooting or a bus accident.

As a person who likes to keep up on current affairs, I actually watched the Obama press conference. It, for the most part, was a very serious and somber occasion with questions about serious subjects that could mean the beginning of the apocalypse: economic distress, war in Afghanistan, Iran, health care, etc. There was one little item that turned my frown upside and caused a ferocious spat of giggles that put my pants in peril of being pee’d on. Here it is.

QUESTION: But on AIG, why did you wait — why did you wait days to come out and express that outrage? It seems like the action is coming out of New York and the attorney general’s office. It took you days to come public with Secretary Geithner and say, “Look, we’re outraged.” Why did it take so long?

OBAMA: It took us a couple of days because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak.

I believe that’s called BOOO YAAAAA! I know he didn’t. oooh yes yes he did!

MEOW!

I know he didn't.

Both of my tom cats have absconded and haven’t been seen for two whole days. This is very unusual. Even if they stay outside, they’re usually lazy enough to come in and eat some food for 10 minutes before going back out. SO it’s very weird to not see them. Maybe they found a new family that serves better food. They are food whores.

I miss my babies. I hope they’re okay and haven’t gotten in any bad fights or eaten by big dogs. You laugh by my cat Max was mawled by a Rottweiller that someone let run around at night. (Our tiny town is too cheap to have a dog catcher work any time except 9 to 5. Everybody knows this and lets their dogs out after business hours).

I ran into a high school classmate of mine and we talked about our class. I asked about a classmate and he said that she was a big muckety mucket at a large bank. He also gave me her married surname and said he googled her. Well, I used to be a private investigator so far be it for me not to do my own googling investigation. Why yes she is at a large bank and she is high enough on the ladder to be giving statements to the press. I did see one article that used her name and the letters “CDO” I wrote my MBA friend and sent her the article, she writes back

Collateralized Debt Obligation these are the people that made those banks fail.

So I guess my classmate isn’t going to be showing up to the class reunion.

In other news, my brother changed the cell phone ring tone on my technologically tone deaf mother’s cell phone to crowing roosters. My mother, of course, has no idea how to change it back. Hilarity ensues.

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