Sometimes, Melissa runs her legs. Sometimes, she runs her mouth.

Tag: craziness (Page 2 of 3)

A festivus for the rest of us: the airing of the grievances




Festivus in Adams Morgan

Originally uploaded by mringlein

My old neighborhood, Adams Morgan in DC is celebrating Festivus.

And well gosh darn it. Not one to be all left out of a celebration, I too am celebrating Festivus.

The feats of strength will be later… but first…
THE AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES

1. When I write a letter to a public official and the public official doesn’t answer the letter but bad mouths subject of letter publically, it chaps my hide. Also, it makes me feel no sympathy for Arkansas getting a bad reputation…. because if a place can elect someone too stupid to answer their own damn mail, then maybe it deserves the reputation it gets.

2. Tiger Woods, why did you get married when you wanted to screw everybody within a 20 mile radius? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!!!

3. I can’t believe the amount of brain cells and time was wasted reading about the John and Kate plus 8 debacle. I’m embarrassed to admit I got sucked it.

4. I hate being sucked in to stupid tabloid shit.

5. Dear Duggar, WE GET IT. YOU are fertile. NO blanks shooting out of your gun. WE GET IT. but after kid . . . oh . . . .15. . . you’re just showing off.

6. weightloss…… you avoided me this year…. oh stress eating.

7. 2009. You sucked donkey balls for me. DONKEY BALLS! It was a Mexican Hooker year at casa de Melissa. Okay you only half sucked donkey balls. You sucked one of the balls. I’m guessing the left one. The right one is currently suck free.

8. They bought back the creepy baby Jesus for the Nativity scene again. I’m having nightmares.

9. Why do police and firemen get paid so little?

10. Tiger Woods apparently screwed everyone in the neighborhood BUT ME. SERIOUSLY do my pits stink. Everyone else got to ride the six iron, why not me? I don’t even think Tiger Woods is attractive but dammit EVERYBODY and their MAMA got a trip to the Romper room so I’m beginning to question my deodorant and hair removal choices.

11. This zit on my nose isn’t making me happy either.
11. Oh yeah the laziness. THE LAZINESS. I haven’t ran in two weeks. ME. Runner girl. No running. My ass is expanding. aye carumba. and I can’t find my ipod either.

Blog post amnesty

There’s a concept in the De-cluttering world known as email amnesty where you delete all your emails and send a mass email to all your contacts stating “sorry, I was so far behind on answering emails that there was no way I could catch up. I deleted them all. If there was something important, I’m sorry. Please send the message again.”

Well. All those meaningful posts that I meant to write are well way past their prime to be relevant anymore. Maybe I’ll catch up on them later. Here’s a list.

  • The first football game of the season here in small town America. It was our town versus the town twelve miles away. IT’s amazing how football, of all things, manages to bring the entire town together. I had pictures of the band and the full bleachers of the visitor side and the home team side. Well I guess I will upload the pics. The “Friday Night Lights” style commentary is just gone forever.
  • Roman Polanski.

    Okay I may still go after details on this. I’m a criminal defense attorney at heart and this type of case is a gold mine for all the issues involved. Does he deserve time? If criminal law is meant to protect the public, does it matter that Polanski hasn’t recommited the type of crime in the past 30 years? Does it matter that he was gainfully employed and giving to society? Does it matter that his past involved Nazis and his wife and unborn child being slaughtered by the Manson family? What about his leaving the country? Does it matter about the corrupt judge? OH man.

    Well the short answer is that in most states (i’m not sure about California) bail jumping, leaving the country, being on the lam, etc. is an entirely new charge and that is an extra felony on top of his crime. So he’s screwed for that. There is a concept that warrants get stale and if the police wait too long then it’s over. Most of that time, that is based on a warrant to arrest and it doesn’t involve a person ACTIVELY avoiding being arrested. The girl was underage and that is statutory rape. This means it is a strict liability crime. it doesn’t matter if she lied and said she was 20. It doesn’t matter if was completely consensual and she climbed on top of your naked body and rode you like a rodeo bull. If she’s under age and you had sex with her, you’re going to JAIL. The more interesting question is “how much time should he get?” Sentencing is where most of the issues being bandied around in the press get their attention: his past, etc.

  • MORE SERIAL KILLER LOVE I discovered Dexter. What a wonderful witty little show. I managed to whiz through the first two seasons via Netflix ready view and will now have to wait for Season 3 to make it here in teeny succession.

    I became interested in psychology after watching Silence of the Lambs. My wanting to be a criminal profiler lead to an interest in forensic psychology which lead to my investigation job which lead to law school. If you want to connect the dots, Hannibal Lecture is responsible for me being a lawyer. Lord, help you all.

  • WORK AND VOLUNTEER WORK I’ve become involved with the local young lawyers section. Since I have been in practice for less than five years, I qualify. yee hawww. This also deserves an extra special YEE HAWWW because it means I am getting out of the house.
  • I’m doing Race for the Cure again. According to the site, I’ve raised NO DAMN MONEY!
  • professional domain YES. web host for professional site. YES. Actual site content. NO! will rectify that soon.
  • COOKING I bought a copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I’m not good at cooking but, like Julia Child, I do like to eat. Since I heard that she explains every little thing down to the last detail, I would buy this book and attempt to make delicious food. We’ll see how this goes. I’m sure there will be photos.

So yeah. I could have written an entry on each blurb. I just realized I forgot about the Blogging Academy I attended. SEE!!

But I’m good and I tweet a lot. And I will start over with topics.

The President's school speech

So here is the speech to the schools that Barack Obama is supposed to give tomorrow.

Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama
Back to School Event

Arlington, Virginia
September 8, 2009

The President: Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we’ve got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I’m glad you all could join us today.

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it’s your first day in a new school, so it’s understandable if you’re a little nervous. I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could’ve stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.
I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday – at 4:30 in the morning.

Now I wasn’t too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I’d fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I’d complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, “This is no picnic for me either, buster.”
So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I’m here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year.

Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked a lot about responsibility.
I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.
I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.

I’ve talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve.
But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.

And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.

Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine – but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.

And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.

You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.

We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.
Now I know it’s not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork.

I get it. I know what that’s like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in.
So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.

But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn’t have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.
Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right.

But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.
Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.

Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn’t speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.

I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who’s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer – hundreds of extra hours – to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he’s headed to college this fall.

And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she’s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.

Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.

That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you’ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community.

Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.
Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work — that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things.

But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, “I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.

The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.

It’s the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook and changed the way we communicate with each other.

So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

So this is the socialist propaganda that has people about to pee all over themselves? really?

Julie and Julia

Julie and Julia is based on two true stories: Julie Powell writing a blog, which later became the book Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously
, chronicling her year long quest to cook every single recipe in Child’s The Art of French Cooking and the story of how Julia Child discovered cooking and came to write Mastering The Art of French Cooking
in the book My Life in France This movie is directed by Nora Ephron.

I have to wonder if Ephron either wanted to just do a movie of “My Life in France” or met Julie Powell and hated her because she managed to make New York and Amy Adams ugly and downright boring. Now I know that Amy Adams and New York city aren’t boring and ugly so I have to come to the conclusion that Ms. Ephron did this on purpose.

In contrast, Julia Child’s France is a beautiful adventure land where everything is absolutely beautiful.

This might be used to reflect Julie Powell’s lost attitude but really? did you have to bore us.

Somehow they made Meryl Streep look six foot two. Julia Child was really six foot two. I have no idea. They must have found every petite actor and actress in Hollywood but they did it. Streep herself acted the hell out of this part and managed to pull of the very public and well known Child in a way that was realistic and not ridiculing. Given Child’s high pitched voice and mannerisms, she would be very easy to caricature. Instead, she turned out to be charming and fun. I had to find the book to discover that the postcards made in the film were actual postcards made by Julia and Paul (Sorry you have to see the film).

The food itself was featured but not in a food porn way such as Big Night or Eat, Drink, Man, Woman. I did, however, become fascinated with the first fish dish in the film and will eventually find the recipe and make it myself. Foodies will like that the author (via an actress playing her) of Joy of Cooking makes an appearance and makes a references to the changes made to the book over time.

Sunday Mishmash

A special thanks to Blake’s Think Tank for this hilarious rap from some Dartmouth conservatives. Oh yeah they have their own website . Oh, they’re not TRYING to be funny which only makes it more funny.

Athletes at the U of A cheating? hrmmm. Via Arkansas Times

All the drama and stress surrounding sick and dying kittens wore me out. I did, however, get some running in this weekend as well as a substantial amount of sleep. So for me, I guess the weekend was a good one. I signed up for National Blog Month (or whatever its called) so dammit. You folks get daily post for the month of June. OH ROCK!

Would You Slap Your Father? If So, You’re a Liberal WOW. Just WOW! I’m not sure what to say about that. (thanks to Blonde Justice)

Another episode of TOTALLY AWESOME VIDEOS

From the kids who bought you Dick in a Box, it’s “MOTHERLOVER” If you missed this weekend’s Saturday Night Live, well you missed out. This might be the funniest thing I’ve seen in 2009 so far. …. okay kids, I can’t embed the thing. You’re just going to have to click the link.

“MOTHERLOVER”

Wanda Sykes performed at the White House Correspondents Dinner, otherwise known on Twitter as “nerdprom”

Part II

There is quite a lot of controversy about this bit. Part of is due to Wanda saying that she hopes Rush Limbaugh’s Kidneys fail. It was in response to Limbaugh saying that he hoped the Obama administration fails. Her response:

“He just wants the country to fail,” Sykes said of Limbaugh. “To me that’s treason. He’s not saying anything different than what Osama Bin Laden is saying. You might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. … Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails, I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good waterboarding, that’s what he needs.”

Strangely enough, the comparing speech that is harsh and questioning of the Presidency with treason was the mantra of the day every day during the Bush administration: “You’re with us or against us” Oh how times have changed. Some of the more fringe elements of the Right have been insinuating that Obama is Muslim and a terrorist for quite a while but when Wanda Sykes does it to one of their “hometown heroes” OH this is how it works.

As far as Rush Limbaugh personally, he who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He’s said nasty things about a lot of people. He said some HORRIBLE things about Bill Clinton. I’m not sure that he’s really a person who has much leeway to get offended by anything anybody else says about him. Strangely enough, Limbaugh himself hasn’t had any response to the Sykes comments.

“Teardrop” by Massive Attack. It’s the theme song to TV show HOUSE. Okay I just like it.

Snippet of the day

Last night, I got pulled over by my local town’s law enforcement. I had pulled a “California rolling stop” as opposed to actually stopping at the stop sign and my rear brake light was out. I didn’t know my brake light was out. THANKS Officer.

So he asks for my license and proof of insurance and I give it to him.

He looks at my license and proceeds to talk to the person at the station via walkie talkie.

This is Officer. … I got a License with 873.. oops.

He begins to laugh. My license number has none of those numbers.

He starts again. He gets the second number wrong. By this point, he’s about to totally lose it and giggle like a kid who farted in church. He calms himself down and starts reading my license number. He gets the fourth number wrong and starts laughing again.

“Lady, I’m just going to let you go. Get that light fixed as soon as possible, OKay.”

“Okay officer”

If I had been laughing like that, I would have been on the sidewalk saying my “ABC’s backwards while touching my nose”

See Bo…

See Bo run.

Run Bo Run.

See President Obama.

See President Obama run.

Run President Obama Run.

awwwwwww

Cake Wreck!.




Happy Birthday?!?!?!?

Originally uploaded by melissathegoofy

It was my brother’s birtthday. He wanted chocolate cake. My mother decided to use some Duncan Hines “sugar cookie” icing. Or something like that to write “happy Birthday” on the cake. Well you see what happened.

Where are the women?

Arkansas Business published a list of 25 for the Future of course it has only 3.5 (the half is a brother sister duo). Of course, it also has many of the “sons and daughters” of the very important people of Arkansas. Of course, the Arkansas Times blog chimes in with

No kidding. Looked at our corporate boardrooms, state commissions and other positions of power lately? White males, paternalism and devotion to gender role stereotyping dominate. (Just try and get on the state Game and Fish Commission if you don’t have a penis.) So, no, I won’t be joining those shooting the messenger.

I love that. I love that like a bullet to the head. If I had remembered for two seconds when I set foot on Arkansas soil with my tier one law school degree and a dream that many, many people still think that women should be good little wives and very important attorneys would call me “sugar” at meetings or that I would be encouraged to do family law instead of criminal law or a whole long laundry list of other shit, I would have handcuffed myself to the Greenville bridge and refused to come home.

Okay that’s a hyperbole. It’s a lot more slight than I would like and a “very important attorney” did call me “sugar” the whole damn time. I’ve decided the next time someone calls me “sugar” I’m replying by calling them “Honeybritches” I don’t care if it’s Mike Beebe, Mike Huckabee, or Satan himself. Honeybritches it is.

Yes it’s annoying. It’s very annoying. I lived in liberal, less paternalistic quarters for far too long.

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