My old neighborhood, Adams Morgan in DC is celebrating Festivus.
And well gosh darn it. Not one to be all left out of a celebration, I too am celebrating Festivus.
The feats of strength will be later… but first…
THE AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES
1. When I write a letter to a public official and the public official doesn’t answer the letter but bad mouths subject of letter publically, it chaps my hide. Also, it makes me feel no sympathy for Arkansas getting a bad reputation…. because if a place can elect someone too stupid to answer their own damn mail, then maybe it deserves the reputation it gets.
2. Tiger Woods, why did you get married when you wanted to screw everybody within a 20 mile radius? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!!!
3. I can’t believe the amount of brain cells and time was wasted reading about the John and Kate plus 8 debacle. I’m embarrassed to admit I got sucked it.
4. I hate being sucked in to stupid tabloid shit.
5. Dear Duggar, WE GET IT. YOU are fertile. NO blanks shooting out of your gun. WE GET IT. but after kid . . . oh . . . .15. . . you’re just showing off.
6. weightloss…… you avoided me this year…. oh stress eating.
7. 2009. You sucked donkey balls for me. DONKEY BALLS! It was a Mexican Hooker year at casa de Melissa. Okay you only half sucked donkey balls. You sucked one of the balls. I’m guessing the left one. The right one is currently suck free.
8. They bought back the creepy baby Jesus for the Nativity scene again. I’m having nightmares.
9. Why do police and firemen get paid so little?
10. Tiger Woods apparently screwed everyone in the neighborhood BUT ME. SERIOUSLY do my pits stink. Everyone else got to ride the six iron, why not me? I don’t even think Tiger Woods is attractive but dammit EVERYBODY and their MAMA got a trip to the Romper room so I’m beginning to question my deodorant and hair removal choices.
11. This zit on my nose isn’t making me happy either.
11. Oh yeah the laziness. THE LAZINESS. I haven’t ran in two weeks. ME. Runner girl. No running. My ass is expanding. aye carumba. and I can’t find my ipod either.